5:47 p.m. - January 26, 2002
i forgot how i got there
So it was a smoother high than last time. So smooth I didn't feel it coming. Just kept thinking, give me more.. more.. more.. and pretty soon it was sliding around my ankles and creeping up my legs, wrapping its warm arms aroud my waist. I started forgetting what I was trying to think, which was, 'am i high yet? am i high yet?' and forgot that I even cared. It didn't make me sick this time. My stomach hurt before I smoked. After, it faded and spread out and dissipated. I can see how one would choose to be high constantly. I didn't see that last time, it was too intense and heady and exhilarating. I thought it would make your head explode, if it lasted long enough. This time it was like floating down a river of warm water. I could learn to like it.
Though at 2AM, trying to fall asleep, I was grumbling to myself, wishing my brain would stop so I could drop off. So there's no need to worry.
I remember being fascinated by Erik's arm. The veins in it were incredible.I kept tracing them over and over until I thought he would kill me if I kept on. Plus I kept waking up thinking his neck was a pillow and poking it with my index finger. Camille's eyes were gigantic and blinking every time I looked at them, like the brown around the pupil was going to jump out and eat the wall. And then her voice was in my ear. Anyway, Erik has the quotes. And I have to yell at him for reading my journal when I wasn't paying attention. Luckily Camille was paying attention. He could always use the excuse that he didn't know what he was doing. I can't argue with that one when I was on the floor, having forgotten how I got there.

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