14:58 - November 07, 2002
dress in skin
The creativity blockage has set in again just in time for my composition deadline. Ah, well. It hit in writing, too, which is why this is so pathetic. I saw the old Metropolis last night and I don't remember the plotline but I do remember the nightmarish machinery and the robot woman with the funny faces, and, after the movie, the trail of scuff marks as we all ran to catch the last bus, midnight oh one, coming home to an empty room, thank god. Next door John and Russell are fast asleep; in the neighbouring suite Steph has a boy over, and he's trying already to get into her pants. Down the hall Jessica's Christian radio blares, and Nick's guitar twangs. He can't sleep either. I mean, how do you keep your head when you spend your days waiting for the time when something will happen? 11AM lunch, 5PM dinner, maybe a class or two, but you're undeclared, so there's nothing you're really studying yet. He reminds me of how I lived my summers. There is no possibility of sleep when you haven't moved, and not eating will not help, so by all means get yourself another helping of cafeteria beans. Who cares if you're not hungry? You've been waiting for five o'clock all day.
Something very uneasy hovers around here. They can all smoke and listen to records and play Nintendo and drink beer and play guitar for hours and hours and hours, through night and day, they can either marvel at 2AM or be lazily awake, spinning, but it's not chill, it's strained. Usually. I couldn't even stand to look at them on the bus on the way home, their stoned faces, exhausted from the effort of getting on the fucking bus. It is only midnight. It is only a bus. It is only a movie. I want to have an all out wrestling war, right in the grass of the Commons, everyone I know, everyone who spends their days wasting away. Chris and Jeremy hit each other with their Kendo swords to pass the time, drunk laughter and screams. Fuck that. Nick has the same 'don't touch me' thing as every impossible boy I've ever known. Fuck that as well. Andrew would sit down under a tree. Matt is scared I want his ass. Rachel is too busy with her crazy boyfriends, Claudia is definitely too wasted to move. Aaron and Richard on drugs unknown. Fuck all of it. I like to be numb sometimes, but not so numb I have to refocus every time I turn my eyes and have a new view. Holy shit, it's Baseline Road. Where did that come from?

'What if we were clothes, and we had to dress in skin?'

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