19:37 - Tuesday, Jun. 04, 2013
excited enough for one
It is getting to the point where I have to decide what country I'm going to in between Japan and Vietnam. I have this three-week hole in my plans, from July 21 - August 15, that was supposed to be filled with China but I suddenly don't know if it's going to be filled with China anymore.

Last summer, I felt a lot of the time like I was dragging an apathetic sack of flour through Asia with me. I had to be excited enough for the both of us about everything we planned on doing. I had to be the one to comb the Lonely Planets and study the maps and jump from foot to foot with barely contained glee at the prospect of eating whatever we were going to eat that night. Julian was pliant as always, but also entirely ambivalent.

I'm not sure I want to go through that again. He tries to convince me things will be different this time but I just don't see how they can be.

I'm seriously considering Hong Kong or Taiwan or Thailand or Malaysia or something on my own, just losing myself in a city, maybe meeting up with other travelers, and testing my own capacity for independence.

I can be excited enough for one, but trying to carry that load for two is too exhausting.

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