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12:55 - Friday, Aug. 27, 2004
four things
and there is a difference between sex and friendship. and a difference between friendship and romance, and a difference between romance and sex. there is also a difference between all of those things and love.
four things.
how could something like backrubs at night be wrong? how could reading philosophy texts and primatology texts side by side under a quilt while it's raining? and giant omelettes made with six eggs and a whole avocado? and covering up when the kitten wanders in and sees you naked? how about just plain skin on skin; warm, unmoving, but there?
answer: none of these things can be wrong. it took us less than 12 hours to figure that out and agree, untainted by pride or anger or drama or whatever else.
i have a double sized futon and it would have been a waste. we love each other, and it is a waste to pretend that we don't.
sometimes, things sour. but here are the things that are not souring.
i still don't know what to do.

13:49 - Wednesday, Aug. 25, 2004
over for now
it will be the hardest thing ever not to be able to come home exhausted from work and/or school; late, dark, with dinner, usually grilled vegetables, smelling savory like meat, in the pan or going on the table very soon, with my new kitten who has no name biting my fingers as i drop my bag and she dives into it because she thinks being behind something means no one can see her, wanting nothing more than to be able to either curl up on my bed with house of leaves or give him a squeezebottle hug that makes me breathless...
i can only do one of these things now. and it's not the squeezebottle hug. i don't know how long we're over for, but we're over for now.


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