6:59 p.m. - 2001-06-07
crack lady
One afternoon, four years ago, my freshman year, I was walking to the Boltwood Caf., late as usual, since I came from the music wing. Trumpet on my shoulder and lunch in hand, I was stopped by Crack Lady.

"YOU GOTTA PASS?" screeched Crack Lady.

"I'm coming from band, like every day," I said.

"WELL, YOU GOTTA HAVE A PASS," yelled Crack Lady, slightly softer. "YOU CAN'T JUST BE WALKIN ROUND THE HALLS WITHOUT NO PASS."

Behind Crack Lady, a big kid slammed a littler kid into a locker. Little Kid stumbled, then turned to walk away. Big Kid tripped him.

"Look, a fight," I said.

"GO AND GET A PASS!" screamed Crack Lady.

Little Kid pulled himself up, hauled back, and hit Big Kid in the jaw.

"Ok, but there's some kids fighting behind you," I said.

Big Kid punched Little Kid back and held him up against a locker.

"GO AND GET A PASS OR I'M GONNA WRITE YOU UP," hollered Crack Lady.

"Well, ok," I said, "except maybe you should go break up that fight or something."

"DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB," thundered Crack Lady.

Little Kid's nose was bleeding.

"I'm going to lunch," I said, and walked past her, which made her turn around in pursuit of me, which put the Fighting Kids in her line of vision, and with a gasp, she noticed... A KID WEARING A BASEBALL CAP! OH MY GOD!

"TAKE THAT HEAD COVERING OFF YO HEAD!" screeched Crack Lady.

Little Kid kicked Big Kid in the nuts. Big Kid hit him in the head.

"I SAID TAKE IT OFF," Crack Lady yelled at Baseball Cap Boy.

I went to lunch.

Welcome to security in our school. In case you never picked it up, Crack Lady is a freshman wing security guard.

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