13:00 - June 18, 2002
very old.......
When I woke up, I thought 'it figures, he'd be trying to lead me away once I'd already FOUND him, typical, typical....' but creeping up from behind was the same: I miss him, I miss him.

I dreamed we were talking on something that was half phone, half instant message. I was in my car in the parking lot of a shopping center in Arlington Heights, talking to them; Taylor and Tabby. Taylor made out like he'd lost my address, but then said, 'You know, we're in Chicago now.'
Tabby cut in. 'Not in Chicago, precisely,' he countered. 'Skokie, more like. Northwest. I think it may be too far away.'
'No, Skokie is right here,' I said. 'Tell me where you are.' 'Would you like to come visit?' Taylor asked.
'Yes. Tell me where you are,' I said, again. Taylor looked away, and somehow I could see this over the phone/modem line. 'I can't,' he sighed.
I turned my attention to Tabby, blowing out frustrated air. 'Can't you do something about him?' I snapped. 'He's fucking around. He's never going to give anyone a straight answer, is he?'
'No,' laughed Tabby, 'but I can't help him. Not enough, anyway. I'm not even here. England, like. Why would I be in Skokie?'
I sat in my car, seriously considering just driving away and going home. I'd had enough bullshit, and I was getting ready to say so, loudly, when Taylor piped up. 'Look. Right now, I'm looking at a Szechwan Kingdom and a Dominick's, all right?'
I sucked in my breath. Sure enough, right in front of me. I ran into Dominicks, saw him coming through the revolving doors, looking similar enough to what I remember to be able to recognize him, but with longer hair in a ponytail and terribly aged skin. He looked old enough to be my father. I snuck around the aisles, trying to figure out what to do. If he was fifty, somehow, did I still want to jump into his path?
Eventually, I crept around the corner of the cereal aisle and bumped into him, literally, head to shoulder. Taller than me, by at least a few inches. He looked down, cloudy gray-blue eyes closing in a second. 'In the cereal aisle,' he mumbled. 'After all this discussing of moose and wildlife and rangers and whether the car could make it through the mountains without breaking down. In the cereal aisle.'
He was very old. I didn't know what to say. You were nineteen three months ago? It's 2002 for me; what is it for you?
All I remember is kissing him and feeling nothing but friendship and then feeling relieved, but I woke up sad.

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