11:44 - January 03, 2003
strange things
This is fucking weird. On Dec. 31 I started getting a headache, but just in my right eyebrow area. I get those sometimes, and they only last for three hours, and besides, I was all messed up, so I figured it would go away. I woke up with it on January 1, but that didn't scare me either because I only slept for three hours and it was on the uncomfy, not-long-enough-for-my-body brown couch. It persisted through the day, and although I slept for at least nine hours the next night, it was worse the next day. At this point it only hurt when I moved my eyes to the right side and a little bit when I moved them up. But THIS morning, after nearly twelve hours of sleep, it hurts whenever I tilt my head down, or move my eyes in ANY direction, or flex any muscles, even those not in my face. And it still is only concentrated on my inner right eyebrow area. I hope it's not a blood clot in my brain or something and I don't suddenly die. That wouldn't be too good.

Last night when I left Mike's at about midnight, I stepped off the stoop and when the door closed I noticed how quiet it was. Unnaturally quiet. No birds or cars rushing by (not even on Howard a block away... the division between Chicago and Evanston) or even, it seemed, power lines buzzing. I stood there by my car for quite a while trying to hear something, anything, but no luck. Complete silence. He lives too close to Chicago for that to be happening. It would have been nice, and it was for a few minutes, but after awhile it started freaking me out and I got in my car and turned it on just for the engine's noise. But then all I felt was like I was the annoyance, that everyone had been listening to this perfect silence and I had just ruined it because I was stupid enough to be afraid of it.

And concerning the New Years party, which I never got around to writing about because I was too busy missing people who are, in all likelihood, dead, it went well. Almost perfectly except for my dad kicking three people out without even asking me, and then Camille being kind of sullen for the rest of the night about it. And Max having a freakout from smoking too much Boulder weed and having to go outside because he thought he was dying. Aside from that, the various substance ingesting even went off without a hitch. Everyone was fucked up, yeah, but nobody puked in the livingroom or killed each other or forgot everything that was happening or tried to knock over any walls or refrigerators. So I consider that a success. For awhile there were six people trying to relax on the couch, and one under it; me, Mike, Camille, Max, Nikki, Rachel, and Sarah. Eventually Nikki got smart and went upstairs to steal my bed, and Mike kind of rolled off onto the floor and curled up there, and then I got on the other couch (the OTHER couch; nobody had even considered it), and everything was lovely and we all fell asleep, though for some reason Cam and Rachel woke up at an ungodly early hour (9:30) and started having a conversation 3 feet away from my ear.
Other than all that though, and even I guess party BECAUSE of all that, it was a great party. I don't think I've ever said that about a party I've held; my expectations have always exceeded the actual event. But for once something outdid without telling me. Thank you, something.

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