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12:01 - April 14, 2002 The concert was good, aside from having all of my toes bruised by moshers wearing steel toed boots. Remind me again: WHY do I wear sandals into a moshpit? Do I have some sort of blockage in my brain? Probably, and now my toes are blue. Roight? Oi oi.. and such. Mary and Nora booty dance too much. Judging by what was told to me, I apparently fell asleep in the car on the way back... didn't wake up when people called my name, didn't wake up when they poked me, but then only 'woke up' when Mike did that weird almost poking in the forehead thing, but as it turned out I didn't really wake up, my eyes were just open, which confused people, and rightly so, I suppose. What I remember in my own head is waking up with a jerk of the lungs and seeing everybody staring at me; Nikki with sort of a half smile, Mike with the 'I'm a weasel hiding from the world' look, Mary peeking from under her now red bandanna. Sometimes I wish my subconscious didn't have such a crackout sense of humour. I remembered, just now, what I was thinking when we were talking about plants and apathy and string and monsters, but didn't say, either because I forgot it or because I thought it was too sappy sounding, but all I remembered, or told them, was that it was sad, and it is; I'm going to miss people when I go to college. I never think about that part of it, because I'm too busy thinking about the music I'll write and the new friends I'll make and who my roomate will be and how I'll decorate and what I'll be studying, but I never thought about what, and who, I'd leave behind. I guess I haven't had to, really; as Camille, who I'm closest to, is going to college forty five minutes away from where I'm going to college, so there'll be no life-shattering change there. And I love Erik dearly, as we all know, but don't want to be constantly around him anymore; it truly fucks me up more than it does any good, so I'm almost glad that we're going to be 2000 miles away from each other. Nikki and I hardly see each other even when we're in the same town, and that works for us, because we don't ever have any of that awkward 'getting to re-know each other' thing, because we already do know each other, and always will. Rachel I am sad about; she's a junior, so she'll be here for another year. I'll visit, but it won't be the same. The same goes for Chelsea and Dan and everyone else I know who's not a senior; I'll miss you. What I was thinking about, though, was Mary and Mike, friends I should have had more time to spend with; these people I met barely February and then, six months later, leave. There should have been more time. Not in the future, as, despite all this, I do want to go to college as soon as possible, but in the past; junior, sophomore years. I'm using pot logic again, winding, twisting, never-getting-to-the-point pot logic. The point is, because I can say it now, being in my right mind: it's sad. ----
Raindrops -Mr. Bungle, 'Sweet Charity'
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