21:50 - August 02, 2002
pattern
I am still young enough that nothing I write or do or say or believe is in any way static. Maybe everybody will always be young enough, but I like to think that someday there'll at least be a pattern, and I'll be able to look back at things I've been or said or written or believed and still see reason in it, or at the very least resemblance. I was going to write a letter to someone just now, but then I noted that every time I write a letter I mold my style to fit that of who I'm writing to, and the next day I don't remember what I was thinking. Fittingly, because I wasn't thinking ME, I was thinking SOMEONE ELSE, and that kind of capture, that kind of spell, can only hold you under for so long until it drops you back into reality. It smells like vomit in there sometimes; it really does, and I wish I didn't have to stay for so long.

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