21:53 - June 05, 2002
pain radar
Here's something I miss: ticklewrestling. On a soft mattress with fresh-smelling blankets. You strain against the murderous evil waggling fingers and try to use your own fingers as instruments of terror at the same time. You're breathless and they're breathless and skin is warm and wriggly and sensitive and new. If you're not aiming for it, there's none of the sexual tension usually associated with touching other people, none of the expectations or nerves; and if you are aiming for it, then it's even more delicious. I used to play ticklemonster with my friends, pre-elementary school. I wish I could round up everyone I know and play a nice big round of ticklemonster. Who wants to come?

About an hour ago I got the piercing in my left ear stretched from a 20ga to a 10ga. I thought it would be gradual, but he lubed up the needle thingy and zing ouch it was through. I keep touching it, expecting something else to be there; blood, maybe, or someone's fingernail... that's what it feels like. There wasn't time to even shriek. Afterwards I giggled like a maniac. Every time I forget this: I really don't mind pain. It hurts, but what does hurting do, anyone? Adrenaline. Endorphins. Tears, maybe. Usually not even that. Then it's over, a distant throb, and I'm thinking... it wasn't even a blip on the life's pain radar.

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