16:05 - May 12, 2002
nondrugged acid trip
It wasn't a jumping out from behind couches kind of 'SURPRISE!!', but I think it went better that way. Erik never even so much as twitches, let alone be at all surprised by a houseful of people lunging at him. Come on! So Camille and I lay on the couch with a blanket over us, the most obvious looking disguise ever next to Al, who halfheartedly threw Camille's coat over his head. The only way Erik wouldn't see us; if we're in plain sight.

Either way, it was fun, despite Erik and Mary being very ErikandMary, if you catch my drift (remember RichandAmy, from Zits?) and sloppy joes being launched across the room, and Erik smelling like bad whipped cream for the rest of the night as a result of a surprise attack from Camille, and me falling asleep, but none of that is at all unusual (Bastards! All you lot! Nora and Caleb! You must eat pie with us!). Banana cream is good, better than being NoraandCaleb, if you catch my drift yet AGAIN, and yes. I get a feeling this is a lot like what after prom will be like; same people and everything. Mary, Camille and I had a Hanson singalong! Much to the distress of everyone else in the room!

I am a knee-jerk walking nervous reaction, but on Paxil, it changes from debilitating to just having to pee every five minutes. Even before, way before, four-year-old before, I alwas did that when I was nervous. It's better than the alternative. Also, it sort of wipes out the nervous part as well, so it's just peeing. Does anxiety produce excess liquid?

Off topic a bit, we figured out, I think, why I become a hypersomniac only when on Paxil, only I just forgot it. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Oh! Since I only fall asleep like that when I'm not anxious at all, the Paxil must lower the nerves enough for it to happen. Off meds, I'm never relaxed enough; therefore, no sleepies. It's kind of, I think, a state of hyperrelaxation, because at times, I'm still technically asleep while my eyes are open, just unable to vocally respond, because the connections from brain to voice are the only things still 'asleep'. Usually, though, I just sort of dream what's happening, only twisted. For example, I dreamed that Erik was apologizing to me for something (happened) and then he jumped out the window (he jumped off the bed). Then tere was a rhythmic loop of 'Let's go...let's go.... let's go...' (Camille, who only said it once), and 'Mommy wants you to wake up' (Mrs. K., who only said it once as well.) Also, Nikki was holding me up (true) with a giant mutant big (not true). Taylor still insists it's epilepsy. It's not; it's more like a giant nondrugged acid trip while asleep. Maybe it's pure subconscious, maybe something is momentarily stripped away and that's the result. I don't know.

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