9:39 p.m. - March 19, 2002
little fingers
I actually just spoke these exact words to two different people: 'I hallucinated Camille's eye ate me.'

Waking up this morning, I had a realization: I like to sleep. I really, really like to sleep and as a matter of fact if I had telekinetic powers they would probably be used lifting my lifeless body in and out of bed with sheer head-power. (I realize this would take much more energy that actually walking, but.. shhh.) That's more like laziness, though. What I mean is, I like the act of sleeping. I even like the period of time right before you fall asleep, the settling into the mattress and thinking warm sleepy thoughts and your shoulders and your legs, especially, feel so nice.
If I wake up in the night at all, I'll wake up and notice that both my pinky-fingers are asleep. This is consistent. What contortions must my body have to go through to place itself in a position where BOTH my little fingers would be crushed hard enough to fall asleep? And are they asleep all night, every night? Isn't that dangerous?
So I wake up in the dark heavy silence of the night and I press them together to see what it feels like. Every night, like I don't remember each night past. It feels weird. Like the pads of my fingers are something else entirely: lily pads maybe, or shelving, or the sun.

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