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6:54 p.m. - November 06, 2001
listen
Listen...

I am NOT angry, I DON'T hate the world, and I DON'T want to kill you, but keep up saying I do and I might start to. Back off. I bite. you're not the only one.

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I'm worried about you making it through the year. Graduation.. it's so far away. Don't keep pushing and pushing until then, it's not worth it. Drop the load, drop it on someone else if you must, it's worth that slight crack to the skull. But don't bang people on your way staggering around with it in your arms.

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Don't fuck yourself up just for the sake of being fucked up, it just ends up fucking with you back.

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I could never end up with someone like you because I had this betrayal of a thought that I need to be the needy one in a partnership, isn't that sad? Hopefully untrue as well, but.. I can't stand it when people are.. ON me all the time.. 'hannahhannahhannah blah blah blah blah! Blah! do this! do that! can I kiss you? do you want to do something?' that's why i never want kids, their incessant hanging, and I'm sorry but the answer is no, no, no no no NO, and I truly do regret having to say that, why isn't love, or lust, or INTEREST even, a two-way street? I really am sorry.

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Let me follow you, though, you with a girlfriend, you in another state, you of the wrong orientation, you of anything, you in another country, who KNOWS, let me be intrigued by you instead. Because it's difficult. Because it's impossible, because it will cause me enormous amounts of pain.

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Mmm, though you do smell good.

 

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