20:32 - August 30, 2002
if you can't dance..
Driving to Denver with the wind at my back and loopy electronica going not too loud in the background felt so much more right than anything I've felt since I got here, not that that's saying too much. Or, I guess that's not totally true.. I had some nice moments, with Aaron and in the Pipefitter with Claudia and watching the magic show and seeing the magician embarrass all the adults. But nothing felt as consistently right, can I put it that way? (The correct response here is, 'honey, put it any way you wish.') And I will.

No one could believe I've never been to a gay club before. Everyone thinks I'm so much gayer than I actually am, maybe because I don't say much on the subject, because I don't like to label myself. One of the girls I went with was my orientation leader over the summer. She said last night, 'I looked at you and thought, okay, she's either terribly shy or she's gay.'

'Both,' chorused the other four.

'Bi,' I countered, smiling and rolling my eyes. 'Really, guys.'

The two older girls just shook their heads and smiled. 'That's what we thought then, too.'

This would bother me if I was in a worse mood, but as it is, I don't really give a fuck about who people think I should like as long as they keep quiet about it, and these are the most accepting people I've met here. Laura and Dave spent their time comforting me when I was apologizing madly for not dancing, since I never do, I just stand and watch everybody dance. I like to do this, but nobody believes me when I say it. Except for Laura.

We got home at about 1:30 because it was a Thursday night and everyone had class. I feel bad because I didn't wait with Gina at the bus stop and I can't call her to see if she got back all right because my phone is broken.

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