5:11 p.m. - December 08, 2001
god?
I wonder what kind of mindset one must have to be a Christian. I don't mean it as a jab, but as an honest ponderance; it seems so one-dimensional, albeit only to me, one completely unlearned in religion of any sort. It seems that there should be more. Not commandments, or rules, but more to what actually happened than the results of what did happen. 2000 years ago, give or take a few, Jesus was born. He claimed to be the son of God. He and his followers were ostracized and laughed at. He was eventually crucified. Now somewhere in between the years after his crucifixion and right now, people stopped jeering at him and started worshipping him. When did this happen? When did such a massive change take place, especially after this guy was dead, that suddenly made people want to worship him? And then spread it on, and on, and on, until Christianity took on the proportions that it has now, all because of this one man who was crucified for his seemingly insane rantings?
I wonder. And I know many people that are Christian who would be more than happy to explain it to me, if I were willing to not only sit out an explanation, but an attempt to bring me over to their side. Why is that so pervasive? I'm not like my father; I don't get spitting mad over evangelists, but I'm curious. I have a friend who's always stressing that she isn't trying to convert me, but that it makes her sad that she won't get to see me in heaven. Which, really, is a nice way of saying, "If you don't listen to me then you're going to hell." I really think she truly believes that, so I can't be angry with her. She's just sad that she won't get to see her friends in the afterlife. How must it feel for her, to honestly believe that all the people she cares about will suffer in eternal damnation? It would be horrible. I wouldn't want to believe in anything so strongly.
I guess Christianity doesn't make any less sense to me than anything else, though. Any religion with a God or Gods, really, doesn't ring true. I can't find it in myself to believe in any sentient being creating all this. It's not an explanation that seems plausible. I'm not going to go into the whole balance thing again, since I explained it better there than I probably ever will again (and if you want background, click on that), but... it only makes sense to me, long story short, that the universe created itself and it continues to do so. So I wonder what it must be like to believe in this one, infallible, all-knowing, Creator. What kind of worship must that be? To believe in a person, just like you and me, who was the son of God, or the human manifestation of God, either way, and pray to him? Someone who walked the earth, 2000 years ago? That's trippy. That's just plain trippy. Something someone would think up on acid. Anyway...
My dad is obsessed with Kevin Smith, so I must go watch Clerks with him if I value my life. Maybe I'll finish later... I've leave you with....

 

previous - next