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23:02 - May 10, 2002 (Despite the sinking feeling I constantly get when I'm accidentally uplifted and exhilarated by others' talent, and am impressed with the music they've composed and arranged, and cannot believe how dancers' bodies move so lithely, and how one can possibly memorize that many lines and still make it sound natural, but mostly the music part... and it bursts my tiny innate little bubble of being the big talent in the small pond. The problem is not that there aren't any worthwhile people around, the problem is I don't see them, and once I have seen them, I feel too far below them to approach them, and we're all just sharing this planet, I know, but there's a certain degree of accomplishment, or, failing that, air of mystery, that I feel I have to have to be worth anyone's time. And I know that's silly, but my psyche is silly, and it sticks its tongue at you even as I type. All of this leads to me being slightly disgruntled by excellence, by genius, by talent, especially by drive. Knowing that 'I COULD do this ((and I don't doubt that I could)), if I only got up off my ass every so often and DID something. Which, in a way is worse that not having any talent at all.. because you know it's in there, but it's your fault for not bringing it out.) So... YAMO was excellent.
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