5:30 p.m. - October 17, 2001
a lovely dismissal
So I've been kicked out of my own band before I even had the chance to quit. Even though I secretly wanted this, what I keep thinking is, 'the nerve'. They invited me to join as the 'music director', whatever that means... what it ended up meaning was that I was the only one in the band with a car, so I was the tour bus, or, as it was, the car that lugged all the crap to the house we practiced at. I was meant to be teaching everyone how to play what they wanted to play, but it turned out they were beyond my help.. I mean, I hate to feed into Chelsea's whole 'I suck at everything' mentality, and I hate to portray myself as the all-knowing patient teacher, but really. If you can't play your instruments, if you don't know notes, don't try to start a band that will perform in three weeks. It won't work. I might disagree and think I was a bitch later, but i'm bitter.

Anyway, in return for teaching and being the chauffeur, Maria, the singer, appointing herself Leader, as singers tend to do, deemed me the wonderful privilege of singing Israel's Son and some of I Wanna Be Sedated. I Wanna Be Sedated was the first to go. "Danielle will do it," she said after the first day, but first making positively SURE she couldn't do it herself, because of course the spotlight could not be diverted from her for ten seconds. Then, after a few practices, Israel's Son was thrown away. "Daniela can't learn it," said Maria, who apparently knows everything and is the voice of The People. So I, disregarding her expertise (I hope you people are picking up this heavy-laden sarcasm) talked to (gasp) Daniela herself. "Is it ok if we bring in a guest drummer to play it with us if you can't learn it?" I asked her.

"Sure," she said.

I talked to Maria the next day. "Liz can play it," I said.

"No!" she said, because of course she was Singer and it was entirely her decision. "We don't need any more people in the band!"

"So I'm not doing anything anymore, right?" I asked.

"Well, you can still help.." she answered, 'help' meaning what was described in preceding paragraphs: tour bus and sitting around at practice being bored.

Apparently, here's what gives her such massive authority: she is the singer. While everybody else is sitting, squinting at tabs, strumming experimental chords, helping each other find the essence of the song, if you will, here is what Maria does: sits on the couch and looks at us. She doesn't practice singing, not that she thinks she needs to. When everybody thinks they're ready to run it, Maria gets off the couch, grabs the microphone and sings the song. Admittedly, she's good. She knows the songs. I applaud. Clap-clap. Then she goes back to the couch, sits down, and looks at us some more. So she naturally thinks she's the leader of the band and has the authority to tell everybody else what we're doing and not doing, even though she doesn't have to learn any of it.

So after she had dropped Israel's Son, I was still fighting for it back. "Liz can PLAY it," I said, through my teeth. I'd given up lots of time for this band that was about to cut everything I had to do with.

"We don't need any more people in the band!" she said.

"Apparently we do, if we can't play this song with the people we've got," I countered.

"We're not doing it, Hannah, okay?" she said, as if I was a huge bother.

"So I'm out, right?" I asked.

Here comes the big happy climax, people, are you ready? She said, "Well, you were never really IN it in the first place."

Oh. OH. I'm sorry. My mistake. I thought coming to your practices and carting Galen and all of his amps and his bass and his microphone to Daniela's and then sitting there patiently trying to explain chords to Chelsea even though I don't play guitar, and drum tabs to Daniela even though I don't play drums, and finding some key you can all play in and sing in, and then after you're all done CUTTING my SONGS, carting Galen BACK home with all of his crap, meant I was, kind of, in a way, IN THE BAND. I'll be sure not to make that mistake again.

So, exercising some amount of restraint, I said, "Well, then, good luck." And she hung up.

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