8:11 p.m. - March 09, 2002
circles
For some reason the time machine has entered my house, enclosed around me, and deposited me back into freshman year. I am now debilitatingly anxious about being in my house alone, and for awhile I thought I'd stopped breathing. For about a week I've been having intermittent abdominal difficulties and on Friday, fourth period, I went to the dreaded nurse's office... I couldn't stay in class. Today I went to the hospital, technically for pain that was suspiciously near my appendix, but really everything was making me crazy. Off and on, on and off, I feel like I'm dying. I hate writing about this, can you tell? I never liked it. Not then, not now. My diary from that time period, the time period where I spent every night wishing I were dead or somewhere else and healthy, was filled with descriptions of junior heartthrobs or insipid poetry. I don't even have a record of it, which is a good thing if it were going to sound like this.
Tonight I'm taking a Paxil, and tomorrow I'm taking a Paxil, and the next night and the night after that, because I am not fucking going to go through all of this again.

'hey, what would it mean to you to know that everything goes in circles...' -incubus

previous - next