5:39 p.m. - October 30, 2001
amidst procrastination comes...
Becca's entry made me laugh, because I read it right after Camille, Nikki, and I were talking about how the other Becca (auction Becca) was probably the straightest person in the entire world. Not that that stops her from being gorgeous, but it was timed pretty well.

Nobody has given me any feedback on my college admissions essays yet. I don't know whether to take that as a good thing, a bad thing, or a thing that means nobody ever reads this jumble of words. My worst fear; not being seen. C'mon, people! You want me to have a nervous breakdown? (Again?)

That part in Poppy Z. Brite's Lost Souls where Ghost and Steve accidentally, or not, kiss, is the most beautiful part of the book. I just read it and got shivers all the way to my toes. I know vampire novels are supposed to be trashy, but.. you know, Poppy Z Brite's talents are sometimes really wasted on the subject matter she writes about and the category she's made to fall in because of it. She's the kind of writer that makes you gag and shiver, sweat and curl up tighter and leave all the lights on and wipe away blood that isn't there all while sitting alone on a couch and reading. I'm the kind of pretentious person that generally abhors all fantasy fiction, improbable sci-fi, and mystery in preference of "real" novels where the characters are doing things that I could easily imagine happening to me, such as going to school, having sex, partying, etc., such as The Basic Eight and A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius, my two current favorites. If you've read either, you know that what makes them special is the authors' ability to turn everyday life into a spectactular in-depth presentation delving into the slightest nuances of the human psyche. It makes me feel like simply living is the most amazing thing in the entire world. But Lost Souls is already supernatural, and I would never ever have picked it up if it weren't for Taylor's recommendation, since I am a slave to Taylor's recommendations, since everything he suggests is always excellent. I love being able to slip physically into a book like that. Especially at times like now, when there is absolutely no excitement anywhere in my life, no love, no terror, no hate even, no lust either, at least not consensual lust, listen to me making up terms, but really, there's.. nothing. So what am I supposed to do? Live in stagnancy? I've done that; it sucks. So I delve into something else. Lack of drama is never an excuse to go numb.

Lack of drama is never an excuse to go numb, Rachel. I know better than to link your diary from here without asking. But think about it. This is in direct response.

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