20:28 - Wednesday, Mar. 04, 2015
well, we passed it already
This Florida business trip seems to have initiated some kind of sea change in my outlook and general demeanor. Something about having a company car and an 'expense account' (not a large or unlimited one, but one that allows me to spend a touch more than usual) and the fact that I'm all by myself on the other side of the country, and the knowledge that there's nothing waiting for me at my hotel except an overlarge suite and an internet connection, allows me to adopt what I call the 'fuck-it' attitude. The 'fuck-it' attitude bypasses my normal cautious, change-resistant, effort-resistant filters. It also ignores all 'yeah but's that attempt to enter.

After work I just get in the car, buy beet chips and edamame hummus, and drive over a bunch of bridges out to the Atlantic just so I can fall asleep on a bluff for awhile. After that, I get Vietnamese food, because that's what I feel like doing, even though it's kind of far and I have no reason to believe that Vietnamese food in central Florida is any good.

Then the next day after work I drive down a long skinny island until I find another beach, and sit on that one, getting my feet wet and ignoring all attempts by other beach-goers to hit on me, which happens a lot that day for some reason. Then I find a Caribbean fusion place and order a mahi taco, to-go. I get everything to go because I want to eat it in my hotel room with all the windows thrown open to the sea breeze and the freeway.

None of this sounds particularly exciting or noteworthy, but you have to understand that I never do things like this after a full day at work. Being a true introvert, social interaction exhausts me, and especially so when I'm at another work location where I'm meeting new people and asking questions all day. My routine involves working out (with headphones, without other people) and going home. It certainly does not involve wantonly using a ton of gas to drive all over jungled beaches and islands, and stopping on a whim when I see what looks like a cupcake shop over to the right but is actually an auto parts store.

It's not even all about the introversion. It's mostly about spontaneity. I have never been the type of person to drive by something, shout 'hey, look at *that thing*!' and swing the wheel wildly. There has never been an instance where I've made a decision that quickly in my life. There are always sufficient excuses available to stop me from doing *that thing*, even if it takes long enough for me to find them that the excuse is really just 'well, we passed it already'.

I've resolved to be more spontaneous before, but the last time I tried it it resulted in me waiting anxiously in a suddenly long line at Gamestop with the latest Kirby game in my hand while becoming increasingly late for my Apple store appointment, which doesn't sound so bad in print, but trust me, it was disastrous in my head, at least while it was happening. I resolved as I stood there never, ever to be spontaneous again!

Breaking this resolution is proving to be a lot of fun.

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