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23:22 - Thursday, Apr. 18, 2013
i want to be wanted by you
My whole life, people have always mentioned to me that I must be constantly being pursued by other people.

The people who mention this never want to pursue me themselves. They just want me to know that other people must always want to.

I don't know what I put out there that brings out this peculiar proclamation. It doesn't sound like something that people should say to others or that everyone gets (but it may be, as I have never asked anyone else about it or brought it up or even thought much about it, really, since it's, well, it's silly).

Maybe it's that tall blonde skinny girls are supposed to be the mainstream societal ideal, so everyone assumes it's what everyone else wants, but it's not actually what anyone wants, and no one's figured that out yet.

Or that tallness is theoretically desirable but once one is actually... pressed up next to me it's intimidating and weird and kind of off-puttingly manly and it's all backwards word-scrambles away from then on.

People always say it in different ways, yet the message strikes my ears the same each time: you are pretty enough for me to say you're not pretty enough for me without hurting your feelings.

That sentence is confusing as hell without punctuation, but I like its flow, so it stays.

(The meaning is: you are pretty enough that I can say you're not pretty enough for me without hurting your feelings.)

But it still does.

I don't want to be wanted by a flock of mythical admirers.

I want to be wanted by you.


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