Get your own
 diary at! contact me older entries newest entry

23:01 - Saturday, Apr. 03, 2004
I'm looking at the sonata I just wrote and printed out for theory class and -this has never happened to me before- it just looks like.. stuff. Like, I can't read it stuff, dots and lines and bars everywhere, six pages of it. Not music at all. Black on white, big fucking deal.. I want to major in this? My fingers fumble on such simple eighth notes now. Six years of not practicing.
I just found out my dad won't pay my rent in the summer. But the house we're getting has a lease starting in the summer, so I have to pay rent on it whether I stay there or not. He won't pay it if I'm at home because I won't be there, and he won't pay it if I'm there with a full time job because I won't be going to school. The only way he'll pay for it is if I go to school full time, but he won't give me food or utility money... but since I'm going to school full time, I can't make that money myself and will have to use the rest of the money I made in high school and am saving up to support myself once I get out of school. If I work full time, it won't be enough to pay rent.
Whinings of a spoiled brat, I know, but I just can't figure out if the money he's giving me for school is a privilege or a right, since if I dropped out I'd be near disowned, but while I stay in he makes me feel like shit for using his money to do it.

00:22 - Friday, Apr. 02, 2004
Specially for Camille:

'Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep...

18:16 - Tuesday, Mar. 30, 2004
calm after/before the storm
I wish I could project the taste of these blackberries onto the screen, have it typed out in letters as sweet as the seed crunch, seed crush, leaking purple juices.
It was a beautiful day today, perfect for adding its 70 degree sunshine to a break that felt like a blissful suspension of reality where I woke up whenever I wanted, did whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted for free, had a car in order to drive wherever I wanted, and the whole time I had exactly who I wanted right next to me.
It wouldn't have hurt to have been in Cancun, too, but I wouldn't want that over spring break, at least, and Chicago put up its record high temperatures just for me. One day we even went to the beach and the waves looked like the ocean from the wind, lifeguards' chairs blown over, but a warm wind, sand crushed flat. Warm enough to make Nick think he could put his feet in Lake Michigan. Silly Californians.
Since I did nothing except what I wanted for the entirety of spring break, I now have 5 huge school projects looming over my head as well as a plethora of small ones and annoying physics worksheets, but for some reaosn none of it bothers me at all.
And also, I need advice. I'd put up a poll to make it official, but I'm lazy. Do me a favor and give your opinion: should I stay in Boulder over the summer or return to Chicago? It would help if you're not biased, but everyone will be, so it's okay if you're biased, too.


previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at!