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8:27 p.m. - 2001-05-12 Example: I look at my CD collection and idly thumb through pages of boring lyrics, and press my way through thumping, unending, boring songs, and I turn it off in disgust and go to the store, looking through shelves of music and not one CD is of any interest. I don't recognize anything and eventually I either realize I have no money or I find myself being stared at by a poster of Britney Spears, and I go home angrily stomping my feet/thumping the steering wheel. Then I go to school and flip through the web archives of that shared music site, MicNet (I think) or I listen to one of Chris or Brian's songs, and I wonder, 'Why are they so goddamn fucking talented?' and I listen for awhile. The hope that creativity still exists is risen, then my own personal worth is lowered since these guys are my age and putting out shitloads of good, amazing, innovative stuff. While I kinda once in awhile pound out some tunes or write some half-assed poetry. I remember then that I could probably do that if I worked hard enough, and I go home, eager to start, and remember I have no software. Then I want to play it real time, but I don't even have a four track or an eight track, so anything I played couldn't harmonize. So I sing and play the piano for awhile, or go practice with my band, the Umlautic Camels, but I hate to say it here, and sorry if any of you guys are reading this, but as of yet we kind of, um, suck. I can't blame anyone for this, especially since Alisa is writing kickass lyrics and Chelsea's working all the time on her guitar and Liz can pick up any damn drumbeat you play for her, so if I'm gonna complain, I better damn well have a reason to, but every time we get together all we sound good on is sometimes our cover of Israel's Son and Alisa's parody of Centerfold. I'm impatient. I want us to instantly be talented and innovative and have quirky melodies that no one's ever heard before and loves and wants to sing along and mosh to. Of course, everyone's heard this before from every band, but the thing is, I can hear these melodies in my head. I can hear them playing, the chord changes and the solos and the scratches and the arhythmic beats, but I can't seem to put them to music, and we also don't have the technology. I can write classical music and I can write electronic music, but in between guitar-bass-drum band music is a little hard for me. That's why I want to play the keyboard instead of the bass, get another bassist, and attach a synthesizer to my keyboard so we can get all the music and the sounds that play in my head. I can't say this to any of them because they're all a hell of a lot more patient than me. They're willing to wait for greatness. But when I can hear things like this and they're in the tip of my brain, it drives me crazy. I can't wait. I want Alisa and Chelsea to know every chord in the book and how to finger the solos so they sound perfect. I want Liz to play the drums like they're the heartbeat behind the music, and think up great fills. I have unrealistic perfect expectations for everyone and when it doesn't happen I get frustrated. I'm a bitch. And I want to be able to do those great quick scales on the bass that just set the stage for a moving song, but actually I don't even want to be playing the bass... I was a piano player first and a piano player's what I feel like. Doesn't matter that I could practice and GET good at the bass, it doesn't interest me, so I don't even do it. I wish I could explain that to Liz. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY THE BASS. We could do so much more with a keyboard and a synthesizer. Think about it. Every instrument is there at the touch of a hand, right there to play when it comes in. Three instruments is LIMITING, Dammit. I guess it's a moot point to tell yall that I'm an insufferable music snob. I was born with perfect pitch and if something isn't in tune it really grates on my nerves. I know what exact note something is when I hear it, and when other people don't, I don't understand it. I also don't understand why people can't just pick up instruments and know how to play them immediately. It's a horrible thing that I'm trying to get over because it makes me arrogant, and the last thing I wanna be is arrogant, especially with these people who are my friends and are trying damn hard, harder than me by far, and I never even tell them I appreciate it, when I do. It stems from being a music listening snob, too. I was talking to Chris about it the other day. While some people can be perfectly content listening to hardcore banging loud tuneless intense music, I can only listen to it if I'm in the right environment; i.e. a mosh pit. Otherwise, I hate it. Music has to have a melody, its chord changes have to be interesting and they have to make you comfortable with it; they don't have to resolve but at least DO something with it, make it different, music's supposed to make you feel something. I wanna be able to sing along, I wanna be able to tap the wheel and mass up, I wanna feel like I am something while I'm singing this song, something that's worthy of me taking the time to listen to it and worthy of wanting to listen to again. Go listen to an Incubus CD and you'll see what I mean. You can't mistake these guys for anyone else. It's THEM and you know it, and you want it. Try Offspring, their energy is through the roof AND it has a comprehensive melody. You TRY and sit still through Offspring. Silverchair's later stuff, the orchestrals mixed with Daniel Johns' grinding vocals, it's an anomaly and it's beautiful. Alanis Morissettt if you're in the mood, you should always listen to her through headphones. There's so much shit in her tracks, you think it's guitar and a beat but in the background, there's clinks and submelodies and rattles and rhythms and if you took the voice out, you'd have more than enough for a track right there. I could go on but I'm sure I've proved myself an asshole. One last disclaimer: No I don't care what music you listen to, and no I'm not going to judge you based on it. No I'm not going to condemn you for listening to what I think is 'stupid' and vice versa. If someone made some music that you enjoy and that rejuvenates you, then good! That's what it's for! If the Backstreet Boys make you cry with happiness then the more power to ya. If there was any music that made ME cry with happiness, I'd be all good, so I could even be jealous of your BSB worship. Hell, I like Hanson and get crap for it, and it makes me feel bad that people can't accept it. Anyway, the more competition I have for their new CD, the less soon I'll get it, so I can say shove it and mean it. :) I feel strangely pressured to write 'peace'. I thought about it and realized I even mean that. So: Peace.
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