22:10 - April 15, 2002
we don't talk to homophobes
I cannot think, and here is why; my insane composition is in, respectively: 7/8, 3/8, repeat x3, 6/8, 5/8, 3/8, 7/8, 10/8, 4/4, and 5/8, and yet somehow it all still has a semblance of a beat there, if you listen hard. The problem is, I have to stay consistently with it in order to record in time, and when the FUCKING beat one is being played by a reverse cymbal, since I gave up trying to change it long ago, I'm always half an eighth note late. And Tynon wants me to sing the woman's part in the song he wrote in English class. I told him I can't sing, however true or not true that may be, but he still wants me to.

He's an odd one, and yet I never really think about him, which isn't usually the case with odd ones. He's been in my class since 6th grade, but I never took any notice of his existence until this year, this semester, when I was heading a debate on gay adoption in front of my Critical Thinking class and he and Maria get into a heated argument over.. well, I'm not sure what either of their points were, exactly, except that Tynon was saying he thought he'd be really fucked up were he to have been raised by two mothers or two fathers, and Maria took major offense at that and started calling him a homophobe. My first reaction to his opinion was anger, naturally; being bisexual myself (although no plans to have, or adopt, children, with a man OR a woman) and a supporter of the gay rights movement, but she didn't even give him time to explain himself; she just lashed and lashed and then sat back, spent, as he stared, obviously taken aback.
I ended my presentation and went to my seat. I said nothing to him, and nothing to her. A few days later, Tynon, who sits to my right, turns halfway in his seat and says, 'I hope I didn't offend you with what I said.'

'You didn't offend me," I responded.

'Because I don't mean that I hate gay people.'

'I didn't think you did.'

'I mean I'm fine with lesbians, that I don't mind, but guys who're that way make me all.. they make me uncomfortable.'

'That seems to be the general consensus among males,' I said, accidentally sounding like a textbook, but smiling, because it was true.

'Well, I know, it's just like.. they aint gonna come up and touch you.'

'But do you care that guys are with each other?'

'Naw, naw, it's their business. I don't know why it makes me feel weird; it just does.'

'You think you're gonna get over that someday?'

'Probably.. I think so. I want to.' He smiled at me, and it didn't matter whether he was flirting; it was just nice to prove a first impression wrong. You can't entirely blame someone for their upbringing, especially when they're open to change.

So when Maria comes over to me in class today, pushes him bodily away, saying 'I don't TALK to HOMOPHOBES,' I had to bite my tongue from saying something. I don't know what I would have said, though. Something about labelling?

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Carve my initials in a tree I will never leave
Maybe one day I'll be royalty
Kingdom
Kindergarten

-Faith No More, 'Kindergarten'

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Also:

If I speak at one constant volume, at one constant pitch, at one constant rhythm, right into your ear, you still won't hear... you still won't hear.

-Faith No More as well, 'A Small Victory'

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